


Fire Is Not, Nor Ever Should Be, Considered A Toy

by TheEastGarden



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: (but not obvious? She likes fire more than people but will do It for the mission), (but only during the war), Akimichi Chouji Needs a Hug, Alcoholic Nara Shikamaru, Alcoholic Nara Yoshino, Arsonist Yamanaka Ino, Asexual Yamanaka Ino, Chinese version of Naruto World Exists Just On the Other Side of the World, Crack, F/M, Fire, Heralds of Chaos, M/M, Mind Control, Mother Hen Akimichi Chouji, Nara Shikamaru Needs a Hug, Prompt Fic, Protect the World from the Yamanaka Clan Squad, Pyromania, Pyromaniac Yamanaka Ino, Stressed Nara Shikamaru, Through tears, Tsunade is stressed, Uchiha Sasuke & Yamanaka Ino Friendship, Uchiha Sasuke Needs Therapy, Yamanaka Ino gets Nara Shikamaru and Uchiha Sasuke together, Yamanaka Ino-centric, Yamanaka Inojin's Father is the Emperor of the Chinese Islands, Yamanakas are Terrible, and fire, and trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25543714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEastGarden/pseuds/TheEastGarden
Summary: After the (frankly disappointing) revenge quest, the three are on a mission investigating a mountain when they run into Sasuke and his team at the mountain for a very different reason.“Mountain bats,” Ino said while roasting a bird over a fire. “Do not eat.”Good advice but where she got to the bird is still unknown because that kind of bird doesn’t even migrate in this area, let alone live here.“Anyone have any ideas?” Shikamaru asked from where he had been trying to plan how to fight the mountain bats.Chōji had no ideas. Neither did Taka.“I have one.” Ino said.“Oh thank goodness,” the redhead sighed in relief.“It involves fire.”“Absolutely not.” Chōji said. “You already have such a large bounty on your head, you do not need more.”“Also, the Land of Lava is considering starting a war because you burned the entire county down.” Shikamaru reminded.Based on the prompt;"Does anyone have a solution?""I do.""Oh thank god.""It involves fire.""Absolutely not."
Relationships: Akimichi Chouji & Nara Shikamaru & Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Yamanaka Ino, Yamanaka Ino & Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Ino/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Fire Is Not, Nor Ever Should Be, Considered A Toy

There are days when Shikamaru questions the friendship he bestowed on Yamanaka Ino and not her cousin (emergency heir should Ino have died either in infancy or been stillborn. Each of them have one. (It’s not _that_ weird.)) who would have been _easier for everyone to get along with_.

However, Ino survived infancy till she was fifteen and from now on will cause problems for the rest of Shikamaru’s life.

“There is a reason why we _follow_ Shikamaru’s plans,” Chōji said on one side of the cell of the Land of Ghost’s capital he and Shikamaru had been thrown into.

“I follow his plans,” Ino defended.

Chōji scoffed.

“When they’re good.” Ino said. “I have done this far more often than either of you, remember that.” She flipped the black hair she genjutsu-ed before the mission. “Besides, we have the information for Tsunade-sama.”

“ _You_ have the information,” Chōji hissed as Shikamaru massaged his temples. The mission was a _mess_ and he was not going to enjoy writing the report. “ _We_ were caught and thrown in prison.”

“I did say you two could wait in the town,” Ino sniffed primly. “It’s easier to disappear when it’s one person. Not three, two who are not even in the spying department.”

Shikamaru desperately wished it was Yamanaka Noki on this team instead of the _creature_ outside of their metal cage suppressing their chakra.

“Ino, please, get us _out of here_.” Shikamaru snarled while glaring at the woman and Ino rolled her eyes.

“What do you think I’ve been doing for these past twelve hours? Just wait for another six and we’ll be leaving the Land of Ghosts by sunrise.”

Shikamaru stared at her in surprise and Ino grinned like Noriko.

Shikamaru’s stomach dropped and he didn’t know why.

“See you soon,” she sang and disappeared in a quiet pop.

“She couldn’t even visit us herself?” Chōji gasped. Shikamaru felt the emotions similar to Chōji but for the love of the deer god from before Konoha, _he could not express them in words_.

* * *

The concern was that Ino would do something that would traumatize people. If left alone, this was a very likely outcome. And another reason why the Ino-Shika-Cho combination existed.

Inoichi was like this and why he worked in the Torture and Interrogation department but wasn’t the head.

The village apparently paid them money to _not_ be ninjas. Chaos tended to follow a Yamanaka, no matter what.

This could also be applied to Uzumaki Naruto, Chōji reflected as he and Shikamaru sat in the cell. It supported his Yamanaka Naruto theory that Shikamaru had disagreed with just on principle.

Yamanakas created chaos and dragged chaos from the pits of hell and controlled it.

Uzumaki Naruto just had bad karma and usually needed to hunt down trouble. Anything he did, Naruto did so by _pursuit_. And it was generally just trouble.

Uchiha Sasuke being example A and jinjuriki stuff as example B.

And he usually needed to do it for himself.

Yamanakas, comparatively, attract chaos and deliver it to a mortal’s doorstep. The Flower Shop that had nearly killed fifteen different Kumo and Iwa spies during the Chunin Exams and the fact that Yamanakas were not allowed on solo missions.

Chōji had agreed but pointed out that Uzumaki Naruto did seek trouble out, he had his own brand of chaos, reminiscent of a Yamanaka.

Shikamaru hated that he agreed.

(They each wrote an essay arguing their points and presented it to Asuma who nearly died from the horror. And then immediately proceeded to give Kakashi the two essays.

The only time Chōji had ever seen that man look anything other than entertained and bored was when he burst onto the Napping Field (as Ino so aptly named it) screaming and demanding that the essays be burned.

Chōji and Shikamaru refused as Ino shot up from her nap on Chōji’s thighs. Shikamaru had quickly escorted the distraught Hatake to Tsunade’s office.

Where, an hour later, she screamed and threw the essays so hard it destroyed part of the forest outside of the walls and swore all people who had read the essays to silence if they didn’t want to die.

Shikamaru retrieved the essays, committed both to memory, threw up for a week straight and then burned them in the monthly Yamanaka bonfire.

It was a mistake to write them.)

“So,” Ino said and the cell door was open and she was grinning widely with the keys spinning in her hand. “We’re good to go.”

She skipped towards the nearest exit.

They followed her out into the courtyard.

* * *

Ino smelled like gasoline as she led them away from the prison.

Chōji wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

And then, he saw why.

Everything was on fire.

 _Everything_.

Seirei no Mura was on fire.

“Don’t worry,” Ino said and waved dismissively at the flames. “It’s just some of the aristocracy houses. They’ll be fine by tomorrow and won’t even notice the missing stuff until next year.”

Disciples were trying to drench the flames with water and Ino skipped down the road ahead.

Chōji turned to Shikamaru. “She is not allowed fire anymore.”

Shikamaru nodded once. “Agreed.”

They quickly followed behind her, through the gate that was unguarded in the confusion.

* * *

“Was Ino always an arsonist?” Shikamaru asked, looking at Chōji.

Chōji froze while setting up the go board for renju.

“Did a Yamanaka light something on fire _again_?” his father asked.

“Ino started the Land of Spirits’ capital on fire.” Chōji said and returned to setting up the game then jolted as Shikaku’s words took root.

“Hold on!” Shikamaru said. “Again? This isn’t the first time?”

“She did _what_?” Chōji’s mother asked at the same time.

“Just like her father.” Shikamaru's mother grumbles and takes another shot of sake.

“Slow down darling,” Shikaku begged again.

“I’m not drunk enough for this conversation. Are those two really out hunting?”

“Flower picking although Inoichi said he was hoping Ino would bring back a male elk.” Choza said.

“Kami forsaken Yamanakas,” Yoshino grumbled and poured another shot of sake.

“This isn’t the first time a Yamanaka burned down a village.” Shikamaru immediately piped in.

“Of course not,” Chōji’s mother said and stirred the pot. “Most villages are the exact opposite of what a Yamanaka traditionally is. They are heralds of chaos, children of wildfire who cannot be tamed.”

“A toast to Konoha for _trying_ though.” Yoshino toasted.

Shikamaru ignored his mother. “Who else has lit a village on fire?”

“Yamanaka Gina? Inoichi’s aunt,” Yoshino said. “Inoko-ba, I know she did. Inomaru too. At the beginning, Yamanaka Inoki did too. It’s mainly the heads of the family that actually commit the crimes. The others just support behind the scenes to make fire grow.”

“So it’s tradition?” Chōji asked.

“No,” Yoshino sighed. “They just like to light things on fire.”

* * *

Sakura was sent with them on one mission. Shikamaru and Chōji had managed to curb Ino’s arsonist tendencies enough for people outside of the Nara, Akimichi and Yamanaka clans, the heads of the departments and the Hokage don’t exactly know about the Yamanaka brand of chaos.

But Tsunade, for whatever reason (Chōji did not read the mission request) sent Sakura with them to one of the western nations.

Ino had run ahead to scout, a barn owl soaring above that Ino had the pleasure of sharing eyes with while riding a wolf.

This made it easy for her to avoid getting captured by A and S-rank rogue ninjas.

One, the leader Chōji thinks, is talking about how great his plan is and what’s going to happen to the village that sent the distress signal out and paraded in front of Shikamaru. The tip of his blade is at Shikamaru’s neck.

Ino won’t take too kindly to that.

“A quarter for gasoline,” Shikamaru announced and interrupted the man with a blade at his throat.

Chōji winced and thought about it. “Half and Naruto’s next bill at Ichiraku’s that she uses oil.”

Ino will be pissed about the sword.

“What are you two talking about?” Sakura hissed and Chōji never understood how she never saw Ino’s feral nature.

“We’re betting,” Shikamaru said.

“Oh gasoline and fire?” Sakura asked.

“Are we on?” Chōji asked.

“We are.” Shikamaru confirmed and then there was fire everywhere.

* * *

When they’re a fair distance away, Shikamaru glared at Ino, who was drenched in both blood and had a singed eyebrow. “What have we said about forest fires?”

“Not to cause them,” Ino said simply. “And I didn’t. That oil was commissioned by Yoshina-ba.”

Not surprising and Shikamaru just sighed. “Fine. Sakura-san?”

Sakura is staring at Ino with some kind of weird horrified expression. “You just lit fifteen rogue ninjas on fire!” she finally said.

Ino shrugged and cleaned off the katana she stole from the leader. “Fire is useful.”

Chōji sighed in dismayed acceptance.

“Let’s get going and finish the mission,” Shikamaru asked (begged) them.

Sakura glared at Ino but went with them to the village.

* * *

The Akatsuki kills Asuma and Shikamaru immediately understands why someone would go rogue for revenge. He silently apologizes to Sasuke and glared at Ino when she told him it would be pointless.

“Hatred breeds hatred,” Ino reminded as Shikamaru poured over the shogi board.

Shikamaru glared at her.

“Hey! This is both of your first vengeance problems!” Ino said. “I’ve been in that mode a lot of my early childhood!”

Shikamaru ignores her and plans how to blow up Hidan and Kakazu.

* * *

After the (frankly disappointing) revenge quest, the three are on a mission investigating a mountain when they run into Sasuke and his team at the mountain for a very different reason.

“Mountain bats,” Ino said while roasting a bird over a fire. “Do not eat.”

Good advice but where she got to the bird is still unknown because that kind of bird doesn’t even migrate in this area, let alone live here.

“Anyone have any ideas?” Shikamaru asked from where he had been trying to plan how to fight the mountain bats.

Chōji had no ideas. Neither did Taka.

“I have one.” Ino said.

“Oh thank goodness,” the redhead sighed in relief.

“It involves fire.”

“Absolutely not.” Chōji said. “You already have such a large bounty on your head, you do _not_ need more.”

“Also, the Land of Lava is considering starting a war because _you burned the entire county down_.” Shikamaru reminded.

“Oh yeah!” Chōji agreed cheerfully. He turned to give Ino a flat look. “No more fire.”

Ino shrugged and spun her bird as Taka stared at them all in blank shock.

The white haired swordsman turned to look at her.

“You’re the one who burned down the Land of Lava?” he asked lightly.

“It’s not hard,” Ino said.

“You burned down a land that is _built_ to withstand _volcanic eruptions_ ,” the redhead said slowly.

“Again, it’s not hard.”

Sasuke just stared at Ino with a blank face.

“No fire.” he finally said.

 _Thank Kami_ someone reasonable was on that team.

* * *

Ino got to burn down the mountain, force the feral Mountain Bat god out and everyone worked together to kill it.

Chōji did not enjoy it. He knew Shikamaru was going to join his mother at her favourite bar in Konoha and spend one of his paychecks sobbing about how terrible Yamanakas were.

Taka was horrified and intrigued.

Once it was over, Shikamaru divided the group into teams to investigate the damage done by Ino.

Chōji decided then and there that Yamanaka Ino was never to become good friends with Mitarashi Anko.

The center of the mountain was hollow.

He waved to the woman, Karin, who stood on the other side of the cavern with the bodybuilder.

Shikamaru looked very pained beside an open mouthed swordsman.

Chōji was going to scold Ino to hell and back for doing this kind of damage. To a mountain. That belonged to a god.

Sasuke looked vaguely sick from the size of destruction.

Ino was casually waiting in the center, on a pillar, covered in soot and ash.

She waved to all three teams.

“Hi!” she shouted. “Now, we can store stuff in here!”

Chōji did not like that idea _at all_.

* * *

“Does she do this a lot?” Suigetsu asked.

Shikamaru whimpered as Ino waved at Jūgo and Karin.

“I am pure water,” Suigetsu informed him. “When Sasuke’s done being the avatar of revenge, I will request to join Konoha and be her personal firefighter.”

Shikamaru looked close to tears as Sasuke flew a hawk across the cavern to get Ino back to the real world.

“Is she part of a clan?”

Shikamaru buried his face in his hands, sat down and cried.

Suigetsu flailed in surprise.

“There there!” he comforted quickly, drawing Shikamaru into a hug. “You’re okay. She can’t hurt you right?”

Shikamaru just sobbed into Suigetsu’s shoulder.

* * *

Shikamaru had passed out early, not even eating the fish Ino had found. Never mind there wasn’t a lake anywhere nearby. He was sleeping on Sasuke’s lap, the man offering once he saw the red eyes that he had sported after Suigetsu carried him down the mountain.

Chōji was passed out in his tent.

“Do you do this often?” Karin asked as Ino cooked.

Ino shrugged. “I’m pretty low scale honestly. My grandfather tried to burn Iwa down and nearly succeeded. Yamanakas are still forbidden to enter the Land of Earth.”

“You are still terrible.” Sasuke told Ino.

“You knew her before?”

Sasuke grunted.

Ino laughed. “I carried him out of the Uchiha compound twice a week!”

Karin really tried to not be scared.

* * *

A war starts and the Yamanakas are in Division 6, nicknamed Division Y for Yamanaka.

It exists because the villages know Yamanakas are pyromaniacs and are interspersed between the five others to play heralds of chaos and a communication ring. And the Yamanaka fiery tendencies were sated more or less.

Many shinobi from the other lands bowed to any Nara and Akimichi in their vicinity. It is both out of terror, respect for how long they had to deal with the Yamanaka clan and as a joke.

The two clans bow back as the Yamanakas create so much chaos that Gaara genuinely feared for his second life.

Sasuke showed up halfway through the first year and demanded for the latest battle with Yamanaka Ino. He found Ino burning _something_ that smells like flesh and cooking food over it, he slapped her upside the head and scolded her for disrespecting the bodies.

Ino retaliated by trying to stab him with the stick she was roasting the food on.

“Do not tempt me,” she warned and went back to roasting over the bodies of her dead comrades.

Sasuke took it from her and lit a fire for her to roast food easier.

When they returned to the base camp, Shikamaru grabbed and squeezed his shoulder in thanks. Chōji wrapped him in a bear hug.

“Since when have you three been so friendly with Uchiha Sasuke?” A demanded through Ino later that night after the report had reached him.

“Remember the mountain Ino exploded and the report about Sasuke actually scolding her?” Chōji asked Tsunade.

Tsunade cursed so much Shikamaru stopped touching Ino and waited for her to stop muttering curses before reconnecting.

“He’s on her squad.”

“I have a member of the Hozuki clan,” Sasuke reported. “He is very much willing to help control her.”

“I want her _contained_ ,” Tsunade corrected. “Because she is _intense_ and I don’t like her being alone with only other pyromaniacs to help her.”

They disconnect and Ino left to go and sleep.

Shikamaru turned to Sasuke after she was gone. “Welcome to the World Protection from Yamanakas Squad.”

Sasuke’s eyes grew pained and he grunted.

* * *

Six months later and Sasuke marched into the base camp with singed hair and a furious expression.

“Nara Shikamaru!” he bellowed. “We need to have _words_.”

Shikamaru poked his head out of the strategy tent and stared at Sasuke’s appearance. Soot clinging to every body part, his white knuckles, his hair dyed ash black and missing his issued jacket.

“Where is she?” Shikamaru asked, terrified to know.

Sasuke jerked a thumb behind him where Jūgo was carrying her with an annoyed expression.

Ino was flailing like an eel in his arms and generally being annoying.

She drank the night before, Shikamaru realized with horror.

_Kami-sama fucking damnit!_

“She is drunk as a fucking skunk,” Shikamaru growls and walked out to glare at his floppy teammate.

“She is the _worst_ !” Suigetsu shouts, sliding up. He was as tall as Shikamaru’s calf and furious. “Do you _know_ what she did? She burned down a mountain! She melted a _fucking_ mountain!”

Shikamaru desperately wanted Chōji, who was running a very important note to Shikaku, and nearly cried when Ino flipped and crushed Jūgo’s neck with her thighs while laughing.

“I need a drink,” Shikamaru whimpered.

Sasuke silently handed him a flask full of seventy percent alcohol.

The strategy meeting was postponed as Ino proceeded to fall unconscious from Suigetsu suffocating her and Shikamaru sobbing into Sasuke’s shoulder about how dumb his teammate was.

Sasuke carried him to bed in the PtWftYC Squad tent. Ino slept with a bunch of other females but these people slept in the same tent because they would wake up sobbing because _Yamanakas are terrible people_.

* * *

The war ended with a bang, Ino becoming the most powerful Yamanaka in the history of the world (wasn’t that just a great title) and Shikamaru becoming both an alcoholic and a smoker to reduce the stress. Also their fathers were dead but with the stress Ino gave him, Shikamaru couldn’t think about that very much at that time.

Chōji got by scolding Ino with Sasuke, Sai and Kiba. Later, Neji and Hanabi, the heir to the Hyuga Clan and Hinata’s younger sister, joined because Ino, while drunk off her ass, had started fifteen fires outside of the walls of Konoha.

Chōji had sobbed one day while he and Shikamaru were drunk (No one else was but the clan had melted another mountain _without lava_ ) about how terrible it was watching Ino every day and keeping the world safe. The other men stared while they sobbed and blubbered about the pain they dealt with _constantly_.

Sasuke offered to take her in. He had kept her alive and the fire contained during the war. He knew how to handle her and when to smack her.

And he had a _lot_ of patience for Yamanaka Ino’s shenanigans.

And because Shikamaru cannot leave her alone anymore (after she turned part of the Land of Wind into glass, he refused for her to go anywhere without him.) he moves in with Sasuke too.

* * *

Ino is more peaceful under Sasuke’s sharingan-ed glare and does not start fires for a year and a half.

Shikamaru leaves her alone for ten minutes and then twenty. Then thirty, while he and Sasuke went grocery shopping at the market and then an hour.

It is… scarily peaceful.

He stops drinking so much so often.

Sasuke holds him when he wakes up crying and Shikamaru does the same.

Ino, after seeing the pain she caused both her teammates just smiles and hands them her lighter and matches and gasoline flask and oil flask and Shikamaru finally feels like he can _breathe_.

Of course, this was a dumb move three years after the war.

Because Ino is a terrible beast and belongs to hell and hell alone.

* * *

Two years after the war, Ino joins the T&I division and takes her father’s old job.

She uses her clan jutsus (which she likes but fire is more practical on an outside mission) and tears people apart. She takes over the Yamanaka Flowershop again and watches as Shikamaru and Sasuke play a weird chicken dance as they both ignore their feelings and just how domestic their lives are.

She still lives with them, in the second bedroom, and stifles laughs when she sees them half-awake and cuddling on the couch after one of them had a nightmare.

(She is very much aware how much trauma she caused Shikamaru and Chōji and pays for all their meals at their old Barbecue place. And it’s not like she leaves the village often anymore and if she does, she does not light fires. Because a child of the Yamanaka clan can light fires but once their parents die, they are required to stop unless otherwise ordered. Such is the tradition.)

But Sasuke smacks her after she makes them dinner on the stove. Shikamaru jolts when he sees her over the stove.

Because fire is both destructive and full of life.

Taka joined Konoha, Ino gave them a vase for their home party and Sasuke glared at her when she offered to burn anyone who could cause them harm. Karin pulled her aside, they talked and Ino was smiling pleasantly.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

Ino disappeared for a month, returned ash black and with a white snakeskin that Sasuke vaguely recognized.

“Where were you?” Sasuke asked.

“Nowhere in particular,” Ino said as she dried her hair off with a towel. “Why?”

Sasuke asked Tsunade if Ino had been given permission to leave the village.

“She made a good case,” Tsunade said. “And said she'd bring me some of Orochimaru’s personal library. She stayed true.”

Sasuke stared at her blankly. “Is Orochimaru dead?”

Tsunade shrugged. “Maybe? She hasn’t given me a report yet. Read it over before she delivers it?”

Ino never gave a report about her missing month.

Sasuke asked once more and then stopped when she offered him a book from Orochimaru’s private library. About the curse seal.

Sasuke read it three times and then cried on Shikamaru because that was what they both did now.

* * *

Yamanaka Inojin is the bane of Uchiha-Nara Sasuke’s existence. He is a pyromaniac but he rarely lit fires.

It was not because his mother said to, it was not because of Nara Shikadai, or of Uchiha Takeru (because apparently Yamanakas could control how and when an egg would be released and which sperm it could take to? Sasuke did not know this. He did not care to know it. Tsunade was fascinated and Ino’s cousin(?) allowed it to be watched through an x-ray-video thing Ino had commissioned? Sasuke was terrified of his somewhat sister-in-law.) but because Yamanaka Inojin liked to play with people’s minds.

“He takes after his father,” Ino complained.

Sasuke gave her a _look_.

“It is a bad thing because his father might come looking for him,” Ino explained.

“Who’s the father?” Sasuke asked carefully.

Ino smiled serenely and walked to the bonfire that Kiba was constructing with Naruto.

Sai drank more sake.

“You know, don’t you,” Sasuke said.

Sai hung his head and let it fall to the table and just stay there.

“I really wish I did not.”

“Who is it?”

Sai stays silent.

“Sai,” Sasuke hissed. “If his father is some _freak_ then that means he’ll--”

“His father is some king on some large island off the coast of the Western Lands.” Sai explained sadly and shuddered. “Those six months were the worst of my life.”

“The stress?” Sasuke asked.

Sai hung his head in shame. “Yeah.”

Sasuke patted his back sympathetically. “I understand completely.”

Screaming was heard and a loud sizzle of fire being put out with water.

“Where do you keep that?” Suigetsu demanded. “I literally took anything that could create fire _off of you_!”

“Well, you clearly didn’t do a good enough job,” Ino sniffed.

“You are not allowed to start fires, mama!” Inojin shouted. “Tsunade-oba-sama said so!”

“Well, Tsunade-oba-sama is not here,” Ino fired back.

Sasuke _really_ didn’t want to make another Yamanaka Incident report so he did the only thing he could think of.

He drank more sake and went in search of his husband.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I bitter about how a war against the mother of all evils only took two days and everyone turned good?
> 
> Yes, yes I am.
> 
> But basically feral!Ino is fun because Choji is Done™ and Shikamaru is in constant tears. Sasuke doesn't understand how terrible a Yamanaka can be until he meets Ino and she is awesome.


End file.
